15th Jan 2012

Today I went to my Uni orientation & then need to rush for my press conference... right before my conference I call you & you tell we can't be together... I felt hopeless & I really can't control my sadness

During the press conference everyone keep asking what happen to me, I guess I'm that obvious. After that I rush home lying on your sofa tear without me realizing .. feel bad .. suddenly I really you tell me is there anything that we can do before break up.

20 second of insane courage ~!!! I wear back my shirt & rush to the lift ( I left 15 second )  the lift arrive very soon ~ I was driving to KL without knowing how to go there ~ while driving I was thinking to how to get or gain your heart back ... I ask deline to post your location but end up i reach to the death end to I call you & you direct me to your house .... I finally reach looking at you from out my mind was blank ... don't what to say... when in & start listening to you & start talking to like we use to do that when we face any mix feeling ... You realize that you just want to when go back home .... I USE TO tell is not possible but I was wrong because is depend how bad you want it like you use to say there is a will there is the way.

I really wish to tell we when through a very big around  & there is a lot test but all we need is to stay back ~

Some people chase for their dream or goal but I chase for my happiness. I was driving back to Penang alone & keep think of what you say I might make you feel I m so coming back to you but the next day or next minute I might change ~ but I smile when I recall the KISS & you hold my hand .... I'm so feeling it ~

I LOVE YOU

14th of January 2012

After coming back from KL make me feel like I have hope still. I try super have to workout a better me of you ~ but today I feel sad because I send you a ton of MSg but you only reply me I'm ok no worries .... How couldi possible do that when I know something wrong there & I stuck here..... Getting emo driving super fast & I know I should do that .... I did control myself ~

However it make me feel hopeless of a while but I need to stand up because in that way i can still be there for you ~ but I really wanna know do I still deserve to concern about or do I still deserve you ~ at least I know~ nothing in the earth can make me emo but only you can~

I try my very best ~ never try that hard in my life ~

9th day of New Year

Today is the 1st time I feel so happy after you go to KL .... I have a wonderful trip, it make me forget about tomorrow intense meeting ~ I wish I can here & not leave ~ again I feel to simple & yet comfortable when you are around ~

9th day of New Year

Today is the 1st time I feel so happy after you go to KL .... I have a wonderful trip, it make me forget about tomorrow intense meeting ~ I wish I can here & not leave ~ again I feel to simple & yet comfortable when you are around ~ nothing does matter to me when you are around ~

Totally forget about he existence ~ happy to See you smile ~ is be awhile that I see that smile ~ miss it ~ good night pi gu ren

8th Day of New Year

Today wake up late ~ lucky that I set 6 alarm to wake me up ... Happy Day today i going to see you.

Waiting bus at the bus station is the thing that I hate the most ~ bus delay 1 hour ~ Bus start moving & I start  SMS ing you out of a sudden you tell me that he coming along .... I'm sorry I really don't how to react after you ask me m I cool with it .... look at your msg & I stunt for a little while ... then I reply you that I'm cool .... Just to clear thing up , I'm stunt not because jealous but is because I'm scare what is I act weird when I see you & Him.... but is ok ~ as long you are here that is what does matter.....

I reach dee that what I send you ~ but you went lost because of wrong turn ~ it remind of last time when you are in Penang  you also when lost .... but suddenly think back how come you will lost when you got a gps with you ~ heheh must be him that get lost hahah

after we meet 3 of us go for Chilly Pan Mee ~ & he try to make feel bad through the conversation with you ... make me feel like I don't know you anymore ~ but I don't know why the more he use skill or way to get you I feel more confident to be with you ..... I think is because all the thing he do is just an act ~ & I will never act in front of you ~

The safer place in the earth is to hug you

7th Day of New Year

I was really excited about tomorrow trip .... worries will it still be the same like last time ... will you feel uncomfortable with me ?will he be there when I'm there  my mind is full of question ~

After the work, feeling want to catch a movie with THE GANG. We start our journey with a great dinner ... the when to gurney for movie but ... so sad no more sit .....

end up
we play Monopoly until 1:30am

6th day of new year

Start of the day with lose it team workout. Today trying to compete my report but fail can't really focus yet.

Get all my bank statement to plan my financial issue in order for me to go KL .... I want to find her & i have to do this ~ thank god deline is free to help me to take care of my car when I'm in the bank requesting my statement it is a blessing when need friend & there are there for you ~


"about her"

At 5:30pm I have a conversation with her .... We sounded like we got an argument .. & I start to emo a little bit ~ guess she was right I start to expect .... Yup I got expectation on her ... I really hope she will love me back & I know after all the thing that I done I do not have the right to expect but I still do ~ human ~

Mid night did not except you call but you did ~ I'm so happy after your conversation ... I know I'm important to you ~


Without forgetting it ~ my dinner was nasi kandar ~ fat die me ~

5th day of new year

Today a busy day after doing combat deline ask me did she meet my expectation I said no ~ but I think it not important because she should ask herself instead ~

About her~ today we text less it make me wondering what are you doing? Did you eat enough ? Are you still coughing ? ....I know you hate western medicine ~ that why I buy Chinese medicine for you ~ I really wish I'm beside u now to take care of you ~

At night when out with de starlet production talent for movie (already famous) ~ love the dialogue when the guy said if no one let you be a lead actress , I will let you be, be the lead actress in my life you NG as many time as you want & I will never say cut~ it make understand that you don't need to be the lead actOr or actress in everyone heart~ all you need to be is to be the lead actor or actress in the heart of your love one ~ why I take so long to understand that

I love you & missing you here ~

4th Day of New Year ~

Talk to you on the phone for 1 hour & 10 min make me feel so good ~ it so comfortable & i didn't realize it at all ..... how come I never know we can actually talk like this with endless topic ~ I really miss you so much ~ wish for you to come back to me ~ really wish that you are here ~

3rd Day Of New Year

Today do not have any picture share .... it was a busy day. But good that I realize that everyone is chasing for their dream to be a million richer or a step higher but the hardest thing to achive is to get a simple & comfortable life.

Why is that ? because is easy to be simple but simple & comfortable not really ...... You need to be thankful for what you already had to make a simple life become simple & comfortable ~ how long ~ you did not thinking of anything look in to your love one ......... it is so xin foo to do nothing but just to Love ~

Issue with always be there but once you miss out the look or the moment of you love one, you migth not be able to find it again ....... Dare to Love .... Dare to stop .... You will feel the world is a lot better then you think you know ~~~~~

2nd day of New Year lunch time

After Bodycombat then give some feedback to Desmond & belle then change my gx timetable .... Feel hungry & also wondering what she is doing ~ really miss her a lot ~ haiz~

Suppose to be lunch at burger king but too bad full like the burger is for free ~~~



End up me, Amy & deline go to old town ~ service was bad never even clear the table ~




pigu ren what are you doing?

2nd Day of the year (Morning)

Today wake up at 9am saw her good morning msg feel so happy..... I tell her about my blog & she ask me with blog hehehe don't why I'm still smiling but it should be good thing today do not have any plan so decided to workout in the gym attending Des BodyCombat ~ then might be learning chroe after that ......

Suddenly remember loving someone is not about having them ( so kolot ) but is true you love them, their smile is your energy it can be your goal why forcing her to be with you when she don't feel good. When the smile on her face is the only thing does matter ? Funny hor trying to be with her will only make her hate you ..... because you are loving her with demand ........ 

1st Day of writing Blog

Today is the 1st day of writing a blog, not sure whether can I do this but have to try right ~ the 1st day of New Year, I basically lost everything last year but also make me realize that all what I use to do is blaming of thing that happen to me. Today I finally realize that I take thing for granted for example my friend, my time & someone that I love a lot. Blaming why me why my life is always in darkness why bad thing happen to me ? funny after so long only I realize that I waste all my time to blame but not even a single second thinking about doing something.

I told her that she take me for granted but I'm actually I'm the one who take her for granted because all I ever do is just move her to a higher status but I never even ask or understand what she want...... today we start msg each other & it make realize that I'm the one who is selfish, not her......

Writing this blog is the remind myself not do blame but do see how much thing that I have done by end of the day ~

1st day of the year
I was sleeping at her house & it make me feel like home don't really want to leave. After feel hungry my friend that I don't appreciate before, ask me out for so call breakfast ( but is at 4pm ) we had economic rice & yougart  taste so nice..... then I tell them I going to watch movie alone but Deline was concern that I'm still not okay ( after feeling want to suicide ) she said she want to follow & it make me touch then I decided to go butterworth for movie with Amy & Kelvan..... after the plan I meet Deline at 7:30pm & start driving to Butterworth to find Amy & Kelvan. I thought I'm smart because I got GPS but end up lost in the jungle hahahaha then call Kelvan for help ~ his is on the phone with Deline ~ thanks god he is like a human GPS, We find him but he & his family just finish eating ( on the same moment I think he is great because he can have at least once a week family dinner & I can't even do that) Hmmm let cut it short ~ we went for movie call the darkness hour ( about alien eat ppl ) then when for Koay Teow Basah ~ her fav food .... & I msg her again & she ask me to take nice picture & I asked " picture of koay teow or me ~ happy that she said both ~ here is the picture of me & koay teow ~